Trusting men when you have been hurt in the past can be very difficult and so then you keep people at arms length, there tends to be belief that states “As I have been hurt in the past and been treated in a way I didn’t like, I cannot fully engage with another, because I believe that the same thing will happen again.” Does this sound familiar?
So there are 5 principles that you can work by that can really help you to overcome this belief and feeling.
1) Start with a clean slate
Your past does not equal your future. I learned this concept at a seminar once and I never really understood it until a few years ago. Just because you have been hurt in the past, doesn’t mean that you will be hurt again.
However, if this is something that keeps happening again and again, this will be something to look at. When there is a pattern of behavior or situation that keeps repeating itself, its important to clear the past so that you can start with a clean slate. Bringing someone new into your life will be a lot easier and you will find that distrust is no longer an issue.
Imagine carrying lots of rocks with you in a bag and as you go along, you collect more and more rocks, how do you think you will feel if you carry on carrying the rocks? Tired, right?
What if someone came along, emptied your bag of the rocks and you were able to keep walking but this time…no rocks! How would you feel? Much lighter, right? Well the same is true for creating a clean slate!
Sometimes we need support to create something new, so you can always use this opportunity to do just this by working with someone that can help you.
2) Find out what beliefs you hold and change them.
Our beliefs can either spurn us forward or hold us back. Whatever you believe you will attract. The key thing here is to identify what beliefs you are holding about people.
One way you can do this right now is to fill in the blank I don’t trust men because__________________________ and see what comes up – you may have one answer or you may have a whole list! Either way it will be very telling as to what meaning you have given as to why you don’t trust men.
Remember the meanings you give to events in your life are not true. Even though the meaning you may have given to the event may well look real, its not.
3) Learn to trust yourself
This one is really key! When we say we don’t trust others, it’s usually because we don’t trust ourselves. I know this one well. Its normal if you have been hurt in the past to not trust others. But if you keep up with this pattern, it will usually mean that you don’t trust that you will pick someone that is good for you.
Not having trust in your own judgment will usually come from thinking that you have been proved wrong many times. However if you keep distrusting yourself, you will carry on trusting others and you will keep going around in circles.
Instead, write down a list of decisions that you have made in the past of at least 30 to 40 that you believe were good decisions. This will start getting you to see that you can indeed trust your decision-making.
4) Be clear about what you want
Whenever I work with a client where trust is the central theme, it’s usually because they do not know who they are looking for and what they are willing to be with.
Its important to know exactly what type of person you want to be with and more importantly to note how you want them to make you feel.
Write a list of how you wish them to make you feel. By doing this you will know when you have met them. No-one ever forgets how you make them feel, which is why this is a very powerful exercise.
5) Create an inspiring relationship vision for yourself.
Once you have got clear on what you want, create a beautiful relationship vision for yourself. Your unconscious mind can only see pictures and whatever your unconscious sees, it believes!
Inspiring yourself is key to overcoming distrust and with your newfound belief, it will compliment your ability to attract someone you can trust and believe you can do the same.
The law of attraction (in this case to attract your soul mate) will only happen if your inner world changes and you are clear on what you are looking for, so you know when he has shown up.
In short, trusting men can only be done if you have been made aware that you don’t. Once you know, you can make conscious decisions on how you can if you should choose.
– Best Selling Author, Speaker and Heartbreak Expert
Learn how to get over your ex for free: www.DivorceShift.com/GoodbyeMrEx