Have you ever competed with other women for a man? And tell me … how did that feel? Pretty awful? Switch the situation round – how would you feel if more than one man was competing for your attention? You might think – great but in reality, the situation can be quite uncomfortable. Often, there’s a pressure and anxiety to make a choice, rushing the process, creating the danger that we’ll pick the wrong man. So, that’s how men must feel too, right?
I’m going to remind you once again that men and women are delightfully different from each other!
And while it’s understandable that we transfer our own feelings on to them, the truth may be something quite different.
In evolutionary psychology, men are used to hunting, from our early, much smaller-brained days. They are used to competing for food, for mates, and for dominance. They can actually THRIVE on this (have you ever watched premiership football?).
Men produce about 20 times more testosterone each day than women do and the extra burst of testosterone that comes from competition still feels good and natural to them.
Women throughout our evolutionary history, have thrived from connecting with the people that they love and from getting results from cooperation. They much prefer an offering laid at their feet rather than going out and tearing out another woman’s hair to get what they want. Competing for a man with another woman makes them feel unsafe, unwanted, and most would rather chew on glass rather than have to go through that!
Now if you’re anything like me, the idea of this kind of evolutionary psychology may just get your back up a bit. You may be thinking that all men are not mindless Neanderthals and that some women aren’t just meek peacemakers and can hold their own in any competition, thank you very much.
And of course you are correct. We’re all individuals and have an endless variety of preferences. And we all have both feminine and masculine tendencies in us. But it doesn’t mean those urges aren’t there and a part of us. Also, women have been much more powerful throughout our evolutionary history than has been thought previously.
But generally speaking, I’ve seen men be quite OK with competition from other men for the woman they want. And as a woman I know that I’m not that interested in a man that I have to compete with other women for. It doesn’t matter if he has a thousand women vying for his attention, which is completely different. What matters is that he makes sure that I don’t have to compete with any of them!
And women have to make sure they don’t make men feel bad about following their own nature and instead, learn to enjoy the intoxicating feeling of being a Goddess pursued by these amazing men!
(recommended reading: A Mind Of Her Own: The Evolutionary Psychology of Women by Anne Campbell)
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