I was brought up to think that crying at work is completely taboo and I’d lose all credibility if I let my emotions get the better of me.
When I was working as a City lawyer in a global law firm sometimes I’d escape to the loo to have a private weep. I remember excusing myself from my first appraisal as I realised I was going to cry and didn’t want my bosses to see that I was upset.
Years later I trained as a psychotherapist and spent time in groups where we were encouraged to let the tears flow as we shared our feelings and I could see that this was a powerfully healing experience.
All too often, when overwhelmed by strong feelings and unable to hold back the tears, I see people apologising for “being emotional” – seeing tears as a shameful sign of weakness.
In my programmes for women leaders around the world we’ve been having lively discussions about whether it’s ok to cry at work.
“Why not!” I say.
I know that I feel a lot better after a good cry and there is nothing inherently shameful about tears. We are not meant to be robots at work, leaving our humanity at the door as we come into the office.
Women in particular fear being seen as weak or manipulative if we allow tears, yet I think that many men would welcome the opportunity to express their vulnerability in this way too. Women often find it easier than men to access their tears, so you can show leadership by letting your tears flow and being ok about it when others cry. I’m not suggesting you bawl your eyes out in the boardroom every week, but if from time to time you feel genuinely tearful then experiment with letting this show.
We have made so many strides in the diversity area – gender, race, LGBT, disability, mental health – is it time for tears to come out of the closet too?
About the author
Liz Rivers is a Women’s Leadership Coach who helps brilliant women to see their own brilliance.
Formerly a City lawyer, she has over 25 years’ experience of helping women to thrive in male dominated environments. Her work has taken her to The House of Commons and the UN and she’s a frequent expert commentator on BBC radio. She offers an acclaimed two day women’s leadership programme Purpose Power Presence. FInd out more at www.lizrivers.com.