My ex refuses to let go. Why?

AngrywomenMy friend was in a relationship with a man and it lasted for 4 years. During the time that they were together, he wasn’t very appreciative of her and he took a lot of things that she did for granted. On a number of occasions he was even unfaithful to her.

She stuck by him because she was in love with him despite his faults. One day after she had discovered evidence of another act of infidelity, she decided that she had enough and left him. He became very distraught about this and begged her to come back and promised to change. She gave the relationship one last chance and once again he let her down. After the relationship ended he started to stalk her and make a lot of grand gestures that he never made when they were together (flowers, poems, spa day tickets). These efforts were all in vain. In a matter of weeks the guy started seeing another woman which left my friend very hurt.

Unfortunately there is a selfishness that motivates them to keep harassing their exes and a mentality of, “If I can’t have you then nobody can”.

She started getting messages from the guy begging for one last encounter which she spurned. He then started telling her that he would leave the woman that he was seeing to get back with her and she didn’t give in. She started a new relationship with another man which drove the ex into a very jealous fury. He started showing up unannounced at her workplace and making any excuse to turn up at her house, most of the time stating that he couldn’t find some of his belongings and he wanted to know if he had left them behind. She finally asked him why he was disturbing her life and he confessed that he couldn’t bear the thought of her with another man. As they discussed it further, it turned out that this was his sole reason for not letting go.

He knew that he had let a good woman go and that another man would snap her up. This behaviour is not uncommon with some men. It boils down to ego most of the time. Of course there are many exceptions where there are psychological problems. Unfortunately there is a selfishness that motivates them to keep harassing their exes and a mentality of, “If I can’t have you then nobody can”. The other side of the coin is that sometimes there are guys who realise that the grass is not greener on the other side. They unfortunately learnt that lesson when it was too late.

She finally asked him why he was disturbing her life and he confessed that he couldn’t bear the thought of her with another man.

Sometimes it happens when people are in relationships. They think that it’s boring and that someone else in their life will make it more fun. Rarely does it happen that the move to another woman is the right one. At first, things seem fantastic during the honeymoon period but once the dust settles they realise that there’s nothing beyond the initial lust that attracted them to this person. They forget that the woman they left loved them despite their faults and was a rock for them at some point in their life.

If you feel as though your relationship is “getting stale”, tell your other half and try to resolve it, because if you make the leap into somebody else’s arms, you might end up losing the best thing that ever happened to you.

Coming next week: “How do I get over a break up?

To keep up with me, feel free to find me either on, www.facebook.com/thebreakuprecipe or on twitter @munirbello1983

About the author

Munir Bello is our resident male dating blogger: ‘Men Uncovered Blog’. Each week he will answer the most common questions posed by women about men. Munir Bello is the Author of The Break Up Recipe, A 5 star rated romantic comedy about break ups and relationships from a mans point of view, available on Amazon as a download or paperback. . Follow Munir on Twitter @munirbello1983 or www.facebook.com/thebreakuprecipe

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