The fallacy of finding your female mentor

Last month I was asked by a female colleague if I could be their mentor, which (after years of thinking I needed one myself and never finding one) seemed a poignant moment to reflect on my own relationship with both the term ‘mentor’ and, what I now believe to be the limiting nature of the idea.
verity-brown female mentor

In the early days of my career, in an attempt to express eagerness and willing, I signed up to the first company mentoring scheme that landed in my inbox. My mentor was duly allocated and a diary invite went in. On 10 June, 10:30 – 11:30 (between a finance meeting and systems training) I was set to be inspired, to finally be privy to the secrets of building a career from a woman who had already achieved success in the very company I worked for.

I chose my words carefully, framing the meeting with a ‘can do’ attitude, wanting to make a positive impression. In return, I received a dryly professional and factual return of information to help address my challenges. The result was less inspiration, and more akin to an interview for a job I already had. The scheduling, rescheduling and eventual cancellation of a second session (much to mutual relief, no doubt) led me to understand it had been as rewarding for my mentor as it had been enlightening for me.

Despite good intentions, the result fell woefully short of expectations.

On reflection the disconnect, quite simply, was trust. Neither of us was willing to reveal our cards, and why would you after all you have in common is your gender and a logo on your email signature? The vital and seemingly forgotten ingredient of genuine trust, that sets mentoring apart from many other professional relationships was not even considered. In hindsight, the exercise was less about facilitating and understanding the journey of inspiring professional relationships, and more about an easily-ticked box. This approach to mentoring is as clumsy and as misunderstood as sitting someone in front of a blank flip chart and asking them to ‘be creative’. Trust, much like creativity, can’t be turned on at the drop of a diary invite.

One of the reasons these relationships are held in an almost mythical status is their inevitable rarity; but they are a luxury not a necessity.

Focusing on this one kind of relationship could leave us blinkered to the numerous opportunities we can develop ourselves, alongside the ones employers can help facilitate for us. Luckily I now work for a company that understands the broad scope of professional relationships required for success, and is working to facilitate these in a meaningful and considered way.

One such opportunity on offer is coaching; the chance for bespoke, one-on-one practical training. Importantly this is an opportunity that doesn’t require a pre-existing relationship to succeed, and is capable of adding immediate value. I’ve personally benefitted from directional coaching, where I was given practical and specific guidance from an external perspective, when I was faced with an early job challenge.

We have also established a female network. In communications we have institutions such as WACL (Women in Advertising and Communications, London) which currently consists of 160 of the most senior women from the fields of advertising and communications. However, membership is restricted to experienced board level women, via invite only. So while aspirational, it’s not necessarily accessible.

At TSW, our female network was established in acknowledgement of a male-heavy senior team and to support women at various levels. Although this iteration is in its infancy, it’s impossible to argue against the potential of such groups. This month it was reported that a strategy of “amplification” employed by a female network within the Obama administration, resulted in females finally cracking the code of power in the White House. Read more on this here.

However, potentially one of the most important realisations came from Sheryl Sandberg’s book ‘Lean In’, which reframed and expanded the notion of a career network outside of professional relationships. This view allowed me to see and appreciate all the connections, regardless of gender or profession, which have made the early years of my career possible. From exceptional line managers who have inspired and empowered me, to an understanding partner who is willing to support my career as one of our priorities; to friends who celebrate and champion successes while support through the inevitable failures. No woman is an island, and no career can be built in isolation.

Although I haven’t found a ‘mentor’, I have instead identified an extended network of sponsors and champions alongside professional connections. Whichever categorisation or nuanced semantics we use to describe the relationships we build, one type of relationship is unlikely to provide all the answers.

So when we ourselves reach the tipping point where we’re asked for guidance, or reach a position where we can help and influence, we should seize every opportunity, remembering the impactful words from Sheryl Sandberg:

“There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”


About the author

This article was written by Verity Brown, Managing Partner at The Specialist Works.Verity kicked off her media career after being commissioned as The Sun’s official ‘Chav Correspondent’, then in 2007 moved into the world of media agencies.

She joined The Specialist Works West having worked on some of the UK’s biggest and most demanding accounts, including P&G, Warner Bros, Kellogg’s, McCain and YouTube, with experience spanning planning, strategy, trading, client servicing and insight.

Verity believes a positive and warm working style is key to fostering excellent relationships with agency teams, media owners and clients, and believes an immersive and fun company culture is key for a thriving agency.

 

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