How do I get over a break up?

Stressed businesswomanGetting over a break up is tough. Human beings can brush many things off but when it comes to matters of the heart it’s not so simple.

Many times in life we are black and white in our opinions and decisions but when it comes to our significant other there are plenty of grey areas. There is a common saying which is, “To get over you should get under” which means that you should find somebody else very quickly to help you forget your ex. This is a bad idea because at the point of a break up, people are very vulnerable emotionally and cannot make clear decisions.

Your family and friends have been there for you through thick and thin and will provide you with a strong support network in your time of need, so spend the time with people who make you feel positive and avoid being negative about your ex.

An instinctive decision to jump into bed with someone else is not a good idea, particularly if you have no intention of starting something that might lead to a new relationship. It comes with plenty of consequences. The first one is that you end up hurting someone innocent who might have genuine feelings for you. You might still be thinking about your ex, which is unfair on the current person in your life. The other consequence is that you jeopardise (sometimes) any opportunity of a reconciliation as it is hard to get over for the person on the receiving end of this behaviour.

The best thing to do is something constructive. When I went through a terrible break up a few years ago, I decided to write my book, The Break Up Recipe. I found that by immersing myself in a hobby that I’d always wanted to get involved in, helped me focus my mind on something positive without making me do something with somebody else that would have thrown me into a bout of confusion and self doubt.

It’s also a good idea to surround yourself with your nearest and dearest. Your family and friends have been there for you through thick and thin and will provide you with a strong support network in your time of need, so spend the time with people who make you feel positive and avoid being negative about your ex. Sometimes people think it makes them feel better to slag off their ex with their close ones but resorting to that sort of behaviour only makes you feel confused. You loved this person once so don’t go dirtying their name and getting angry as that is a negative emotion.

The next person you date should not have to pay for the mistakes of someone else. Being bitter is ugly.

Avoid alcohol or at least avoid consuming large amounts of it because it is a known depressive. Whilst you might think that the pain is being numbed in the moment, reality always strikes in the morning or when you are alone with your thoughts. Although it is hard, let those thoughts wash over you. Face them as time will naturally heal the scars from the break up. Lastly make sure that you deal with any hang ups you have about your ex as the last thing you want is to start a new relationship in a guarded manner. The next person you date should not have to pay for the mistakes of someone else. Being bitter is ugly.

Coming next week: “Should I be concerned if my man goes out with his friends but never takes me along?

To keep up with me, feel free to find me either on, www.facebook.com/thebreakuprecipe or on twitter @munirbello1983

Munir Bello
About the author

Munir Bello is our resident male dating blogger: ‘Men Uncovered Blog’. Each week he will answer the most common questions posed by women about men. Munir Bello is the Author of The Break Up Recipe, A 5 star rated romantic comedy about break ups and relationships from a mans point of view, available on Amazon as a download or paperback. . Follow Munir on Twitter @munirbello1983 or www.facebook.com/thebreakuprecipe

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