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This article stemmed from a casual conversation I had with a female friend of Pakistani descent. She was talking about how difficult it is for her to find a partner outside of her race. She happens to be attractive, successful in her career and very easy going but has struggled in the world of dating. She mentioned that she was regularly approached by men who mistook her for a Latina but once she told them where she was from they would go cold. I saw emails on her online dating profile that demonstrated this and also witnessed an approach at a bar that was made by a guy who was very keen and as soon as she mentioned the P word, he immediately started asking questions about how her parents would feel about her dating outside of her race. He also started spouting off about how Islam was wrong to encourage fundamentalist behaviour (Her family are accepting of a relationship with a non-Muslim and are actually not affiliated to any terrorist organisations plus it is only terrorist groups that twist Islam for their purpose who encourage this sort of behaviour that is forbidden by the religion).
Another example of a reluctance to date outside one’s race was demonstrated when my girlfriend and I went out to a dinner party. She struck up a conversation with a lady who was very educated (PHD level) and very well travelled. She was single and my girlfriend asked her what she was looking for in a companion. She said the usual (attractive, intelligent, funny good career) before adding that she would never date a Muslim as she didn’t want to be controlled or manipulated. My girlfriend did inform her that I was a Muslim to which a series of backtracking statements started taking place. Rather than get offended by this persons point of view, I wanted to understand the reasons behind them.
I have previously been an internet dater and there are a huge percentage of profiles that state what their racial preferences are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone stating that they wouldn’t date another race because they are just not physically attracted to people of that creed. It is a free country and people are free to be with whom they choose. On the condition of anonymity for all participants, I spoke to 100 women and 100 men of mixed backgrounds to delve deeper into this issue. The results were very surprising.
Considering what century we are in and how many people of mixed descent are in existence in Britain I was very surprised to find that there was still a reluctance from some to consider a partner from a different race due to some stereotypes that I felt were outdated.
The men and women I spoke to who stated that their sole reason for not dating outside their race due to physical attraction were exempt from further questioning as you can’t force somebody to “think outside the box” and also I believe that this is a perfectly valid reason. The others were allowed to expand on their grounds for discounting certain racial groups.
The Caucasian males had these different reasons. They wouldn’t date a South Asian (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka) or someone of Middle Eastern descent was because they felt that they wouldn’t be accepted by the persons family members. They also said that there was too much of a cultural divide and once again the topic of religion was a deal breaker. The ones that mentioned that they wouldn’t date an East Asian (Japan, China, S.Korea, N.Korea) also said that the lack of acceptance by the families would make them reluctant. West Indians and Africans were deemed intimidating (too much attitude), and materialistic with untrustworthy family members.
The Black, South Asian, East Asian and Middle Eastern males stated that they were too afraid to date outside of their race as they were sure that they would be on the receiving end of racist behaviour and so would rather stick with their own kind. Many had given previous examples of intimidating behaviour that they had faced whilst walking down the street with a female of another race. They had either been yelled at by groups of men or faced uncomfortable stares when they went into bars or restaurants. If they were going to date outside their race then they were more likely to date Caucasian as they felt that there would be less complications.
Considering what century we are in and how many people of mixed descent are in existence in Britain I was very surprised to find that there was still a reluctance from some to consider a partner from a different race due to some stereotypes that I felt were outdated.
The answers from the females more or less mirrored what the men said and when pressed most said that they’d be happy to casually date someone outside their racial preference in secret in order to avoid any unpleasant situations. I found the whole experience quite educational and wondered what kind of conversations go on in peoples living rooms when it comes to this topic. I could write a book on the matter………….. maybe I will.
The Break Up Recipe. It’s a romantic comedy about break ups and relationships from a mans point of view, available on Amazon as a download or paperback.
