Ladies, do you remember talking to a member of the opposite sex flow, sharing an exciting incident that has occurred in your life. You are in full flow. You have set the scene, thoroughly enjoying all the little details that add so much richness to your story, and are now coming to your conclusion. You adopt a beaming smile, ready to deliver your punch line…and realise that your listener’s eyes are glazed over.
Women relish every little nuance, every little accent that enhances the information we share and knowing how much it embellishes the experience for us, we automatically recount our stories in the same way when we are telling them to the opposite sex. For man, there is one word that sums up this experience: torture.
Men are not hairy women! They communicate in a completely different way from us and, yes, it does go back to our ancient DNA. Men are wired to hunt, gather and provide – see the deer, spear it, bring it home. Women are wired to nurture, holding the family and community together.
Men were not alone in feeding the family, women had their role in providing food, too; they were responsible for gathering berries and roots, to nourish the family.
The way we communicate stems from this primitive activity. In order to share their knowledge with the community and communicate where to find the edible fruit, they had to be very specific in giving directions: follow the stream until you reach the large oak tree, then follow the track on the right until you reach the large boulder and the berries are growing at the base – but remember, it’s the black fruit, not the red ones. The red ones are poisonous! If you eat them, they’ll make you very sick!
Is it any wonder we’re so detailed in our communication? Alison Armstrong, the author of Making Sense of Men, calls our detailed commentary The Meadow Report. She is an expert on communication between men and women and has created seminars, so that we can better understand and appreciate our differences. Alison explains that Report needed to be extensive to ensure the correct berries were harvested and the family survived. It makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Now we can feel perfectly justified in our conversation style, can’t we?
Well, there is another detail Alison feels we need to know. Even men who understand The Meadow Report can only cope with being subjected to it for an average of fifteen minutes at a time. After that time, they need focus and solutions, otherwise their brains just turn to mush. They either stop listening, or start to try and fix the situation – and neither of those approaches makes us happy.
Let’s try to remember that men are not hairy women, Ladies. Let’s share our lengthier Meadow Reports with our girlfriends, who appreciate and relish them, rather than afflict the men in our lives with description that they don’t understand or value. It will make our communication much more effective and enjoyable for everyone.
This article has been written and supplied by Felicity Lerouge – Click here to access her Bio