Hugh: Given über-model Cara Delevingne’s colonisation of 2013, the “Queen Delevingne” T-shirt is a savvy pick. (And Ora and Delevigne are “wifeys” – that’s BFFs in mockney, FYI – so you can stop those accusations of sycophancy now.) But, even apart from that, Ora cunningly manages to look both fierce and nostalgic: a lot old Miami Vice, a little young Brigitte Nielsen.
Gemma: Getting the paps’ bulbs flashing at Burberry, Rita Ora wore a cool-blue androgynous suit. Setting yet more tongues wagging about her and Delevingne’s supposed relationship with a T-shirt emblazoned with the model’s face, the singer looked right at home on the f’row watching her new “wifey” strut her stuff.
Gemma: Not only did she have the hottest accessory of London Fashion week (Justin Timberlake: I’m talking about you), Jessica Biel attended the Tom Ford show wearing the fabric that every designer worth their salt put on the catwalk that week: PVC. Her 1960s up-do softened the dominatrix-look but a bit of flicked eyeliner left her looking every bit the sex kitten. Meow.
Hugh: The most formidably on-the-money look of the week, from the buzzy beehive fringe to the black PVC/silk combo that somehow suggests stylish sang froid rather than suburban sex dungeon. The only issue being that, by emphatically outshining her hubby once again, Biel is contributing to the alarming disappointment of his latest mission to bring sexy back.
Hugh: Maybe you thought the One Directioner was happy to follow JC Chavez and Antony Costa in the lineage of peripheral boyband members falling between the stools of vocal talent and fanciability – whereas in fact this dapper effort shows he’ll be nailing the swing covers and mid-market modelling contracts long after Styles has disappeared into the east London ether.
Gemma: Wondering who was causing such a commotion heading out of the Topshop show, I was surprised to see One Direction’s Louis hot-footing it out of there – but maybe I’m just 10 years too old to see the fascination? He did, however, look rather stylish in his contrast-lapel suit and T-shirt. He must be getting his style tips from Rita Ora.
Gemma: She isn’t known for her style credentials, but that didn’t stop this girl-grouper from attending a host of shows. Yes, this season is all about candy colours, but didn’t she realise she would be surrounded at Issa by a sea of black-wearing fashion editors? She looked like a giant doll in her pistachio skirt and cotton ankle socks – but no one wants to play with her.
Hugh: We understand that the Saturdays – that’s the one who was in S Club Juniors, the other one who was in S Club Juniors, the one with the hair – have had trouble imprinting unique identities on the popular consciousness and might want to strike out sartorially. But no claim to self-realisation can justify dressing like Dorothy Gale down Dorothy Perkins.
Gemma: There are two things missing in this picture of the Made in Chelsea-ite: his maid and his glass of champagne. Surely he can’t be expected to hold his own glass? I’ll give him a bit of credit for the rollneck jumper, but worn with a 1980s double-breasted white jacket and monochrome plaid trousers, he bears a startling resemblance to Jerry from The Good Life.
Hugh: We hate to criticise the supporting scene-stealer, aka SW1’s answer to Harry Dean Stanton, given that he truly has the Bray of Britain. But if he will insist on dressing like a cross between a Roger Moore-era Bond villain and a Rotary Club chairman, we must step in and say: a double-breasted blazer PLUS rollneck PLUS checked slacks is where retro revivalism flatlines.
Hugh: Oh Jaime, we feel for you on this one: were I ever actually invited to a fashion weeks, I would also panic about being “fashion” enough and totally go heavy on the loud prints, doorstopper shoes and indoor sunglasses. Only to find that all the other FROW-ers have decided S/S 13 watching A/W 13 is all about smugly sophisticated minimalism. Damn them!
Gemma: Rules to get noticed. Number one: put on a tight-fitting mini dress. Two: wear sunglasses inside. Three: be sure to dance on the front row and mouth along to the words. Four: make sure all your friends are famous. Five: go to as many shows as possible – how else are you going to be the most photographed person at Fashion Week?