When It’s OK to be Selfish

As single chicks,  we believe that we have to be open, right? Open to social invitations;  open to connecting  with that stranger who keeps eyeing you as you take some time chilling in that stress free zone at your health club;  open to the guy who is walking up and down the accessories area at the iPad store and is to desparately trying to grab your attention;  open to the guy at that conference you just attended! Open, open, open! Why? because we never actually know when or where our ‘person’ is going to pop up!

And that is all true but I am questioning if there is something such as being way too damn open?

Let’s marinate on this situation –  single smart, sexy chick meets an equally nice guy at a conference, they hit it off immediately. They soon realise that they both have common acquaintances, interests and dreams. Conversation sways from the technical subject at hand to family, background and aspirations. It goes beyond the coffee interludes into a longer deeper chat over dinner as they sat next to one another at the delegates dinner. As they continue to chat, there are undercurrents of a strong desire that a friendship is actually forming between the two. It’s an unspoken vibe but it’s very strong and both of them feel it.

The only issue here however is that single sexy smart chick is thinking on the long term, that this guy may be a possible possibility, maybe they could end up being friends. On the other hand,  smart guy is thinking  on very short term! He’s thinking that a few drinks in her room after dinner could lead to some serious one night conference ‘shaggathon’ (sex marathon!)! Mixed messaging one would say?

So you could imagine single sexy smart chick’s disappointment when he knocks on her door after 12midnight wanting to ‘talk’! – Her senses immediately heightens from I may like this guy into, what a real disappointment! So she turns him down! He then comes back knocking again, this time with a bottle of wine and two glasses! She feels guilty about hurting his feelings and for gathering up the courage to come up to her,  she invites him in but have no intentions of engaging in a sex marathon with Mr Stranger! He pours out the wine in the two glasses, she suddenly realises that she’s wasting her time with this guy and kicks him out! Next morning, guy apologises for coming on too strong!

What’s just happened here? the openness that we’re encouraged to display could be misconstrued as an invitation to something that we have no immediate need for. We never know how that guy could turn out to be at the beginning, this is not one of the things that we can model up on a spreadsheet ; hardly! We can’t also say that we will not be open to hearty conversations with new guys who come up our way because maybe, just maybe, they could be our ‘person’! So what should we actually do  to overcome our fear of the what if’s – what if we miss out on our potential person if we’re not spontaneous?

Well what about this? What if we become selfish with our openness, and get him to worry about offending us? What if that selfishness will actually help us to meet our person, not to mention, help us manage our time more effectively? What if, we agree that our time is so precious that we must not worry about anyone else but us, what if  we become selfish with our openness? What if?

Maybe this is one of the areas in our single lives where we MUST limit our giving to find our ‘person’!

 Image, courtesy of Fox, Le Divorce

About the author

AWiseGirl.com was created to test out a new phenomenon!! We hear of countless stories where women (and many women around the world) go on a date, maybe once or twice…. get to know the guy and then as soon as she makes up her mind that this is the guy that she would like to have in her life… the guy suddenly turns cold towards her!!! Sounds familiar? What happened? How did this nice guy who was pursuing you countlessly suddenly turned cold the moment you started to show an interest in him? Why did he change his attitude? Why did he stopped calling, stopped texting, cancelled the date (with an excuse— I’m sick! and never called back)

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