Re-Writing Your Relationship Script – Part V – Choosing Wisely

relationship-annaMargolis“I know now that there are men out there who are, for me, the whole package…..I’m less tolerant of foolishness now; I know that it’s important I not tie myself up with the wrong person, because then I will miss the right person coming along.”

Ginnifer Goodwin

So, last time I introduced you to iPEC Graduate James Wilson…..Sexy isn’t he?

James is a man that has lived, loved, lost and looked at himself. James is a consciously aware man, or at least, he’s working on it.

A few years back in my dating and relationship coaching practice for six-figure professional women, the number one thing that my clients were looking to understand was how to break the cycle of attracting toxic men and start attracting people more like James instead?

The most commonly uttered phrases were typically some variation of:

“but no matter what I do, it just keeps happening”

“It’s like some kind of magnetic force.”

“If I’m at a party, I can guarantee you that I will somehow end up talking to the one guy in that room that fits the same profile!”

And they’re right – that WAS happening for them!

Most women get caught up with these types at one stage or another. Why? Because it’s easy to get duped by good looks, good sex, or whatever fun qualities these men posses. Naturally, as women, we biologically crave connection, so when a seemingly charismatic/charming/handsome potential mate comes along, we can often overlook the warning signs and get sucked into the vortex of a year long love affair, chasing a pipedream of the guy’s “potential” that only really exists inside our heads.

When you stop trying to find the right man and start becoming the right woman, the right man will find his way to you.

To understand more about how relationship energetics work, allow me to summarise the lessons we’ve learnt over the Re-Writing Your Relationship Script series:

  • Give due consideration to what you want;
  • Take a self-imposed dating fast to clear out some of the energy of past relationships and create the space for something new to transpire;
  • Assess your beliefs, your behaviours and your value system and take the time to define what healthy relationships mean to you. Consciously aware men like James clearly DO exist, so how important is it to you that your next relationship is with someone who meets your true needs?

The final and most challenging piece of the puzzle is to practice self-discipline.

What do I mean by self-discipline? Put simply, SLOW DOWN and LISTEN UP. Sometimes it can take a while to see people for who they actually are. The key is to WAIT and OBSERVE to see if a potential mate’s words match their actions and your value system before deciding whether to keep going. Get curious and ask open-ended questions to elicit the answers you’re looking for. They will always give themselves away in the end.

The women who I have worked with who are ready and willing to work on their OWN stuff out might still find themselves attracted to emotionally challenged men for a couple days, even weeks if they only hang out on occasion, but the moment they see a tell-tale sign they are out of there and creating the space for someone who DOES fit the bill.

Here’s a poignant little story that neatly captures the essence of how this works:

A woman was walking down a road.  All of a sudden, she found herself at the bottom of a big, dark, scary pothole.  For a long time, she wasn’t able to get out on her own. 

The very next day the woman was walking down the same road and fell into the pothole again.  This time she immediately recognised where she was, but she still couldn’t get out alone.

The day after that, the woman noticed the pothole but somehow still fell into it. This time she remembered how to get out, and–with much hard work, was able to get out on her own. 

The following day the woman was walking down the same street again.  As she approached the pothole, she remembered her previous experiences.  She fell in anyway, but she knew the way out pretty well this time and got out quickly.

The next day the woman saw the pothole from a good distance away.  It took a lot of effort, but she did manage to walk around it safely, and didn’t fall in this time.

The following day the woman took a different road.

It is a daily effort to choose wisely and intentionally. So, just for this week:

  • Decide in advance what values you intend to honour and live true to them one day at a time;
  • If you find yourself deviating, then catch yourself and get back on track, change your behaviour and recalibrate as soon as it happens; and
  • Exercise self-discipline in one area of your life – whether that’s with food, exercise or what time you wake up in the morning.

If you are a smart and successful woman who’s looking for love, CLICK HERE to learn more about James Wilson’s upcoming London workshop on Weds 26th February at 7.30pm-9.30pm which will help you:

  • attract an entire new quality of men
  • get men to commit
  • achieve radically different results in their dating & relationships.

If you’re interested to learn more about a career in professional coaching, CLICK HERE to register for a FREE 1-hour webinar on Thursday 27th February at 6.30pm.

About the author

Anna Margolis is our Mastering your Mind blogger. She is a revitalised former city lawyer turned freer of minds. Find out more: iPEC London, Facebook, Pinterest

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