Re-Writing Your Relationship Script – Part I


“Relationships with other people allow you to share experiences and perspectives, so that all can remember who they are….in “relation” to one another”

Bruce D. Schneider

Over the past 6 months we’ve learnt how to focus on the things we want to achieve and reviewed some of the key internal messages we want to be aware of. We’ve also looked at emotional intelligence and the importance of good listening and communication.

In case you hadn’t noticed, we’ve slowly been introducing ideas that will help you to be more conscious, present and aware in your relationships both with yourself and with those around you.  

Could any of us really experience the fullness of life without relationships? They are the script from which we learn and grow; without them we would lack a sounding board against which to base our own experiences. And yet, so many people get them oh so very wrong!!

Take a moment to think about your life at home and at work and think about the number of people you’re connected to.  In virtually every moment of your life, you are in relationship with yourself, significant others, co-workers, family and friends.  Those relationships can and often do affect us in profound ways; they can be nurturing of our growth and development, or, they can be destructive and limiting, impeding our ability to experience life fully and express our true selves.

Whilst the media has been known to present relationships as something to “have” in order to be happy, the Truth is that there is no such thing as the ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ people for us to experience. If we can look at others as gifts being offered to us instead of feeling they must fill our needs, we can choose to see our interactions with others as learning opportunities and other people as partners on our journey through life.

Our relationships essentially act as a mirror to see ourselves; they give us powerful clues as to what we believe about ourselves and who we are at any given moment in our lives.

For example, in relationships that are working well, traits of the people we admire mirror our strengths and what we admire or appreciate most in ourselves. In other relationships, others actions may cause you feelings of discomfort and help you become aware of who you know you’re not, and therefore, in turn, reveal more to you about who you really are.

Coaching people in this area begins by helping people to figure out and clarify what relationships mean to them, why they are in a certain one and how they have grown or can grow because of it. It’s only by taking an honest look at our relationships we can become more attuned to which relationships lift our energy and which ones drag us down. That information then better equips us for developing strategies for nurturing and/or changing our relationships in a way that supports the who that we want to be.

Defining Healthy Relationships

In order for us to make conscious choices about our relationships and re-write our relationship script, we must first define a clear picture of what a healthy relationship looks and feels like to us. Below are some empowering questions to help coaches and clients assess relationships. These questions, when answered, will reveal some of your core beliefs and issues around relationships:

  • What is your definition of relationship and where was that idea created?
  • What is the purpose of a relationship?
  • What expectations do you have for a partner and why?
  • When do you feel secure in a relationship and why?
  • How easy is it for you to let go of a relationship when it’s not working for you?
  • How easy is it for you to develop new and empowering relationships?

Also consider the following statements about relationships and ask yourself how you would modify them to better reflect your perspective?:

  • A healthy relationship allows each person to be who they really are, without having to change to make the other person happy;
  • A healthy relationship also allows for continued development through individual and mutual growth;
  • In the working world, a healthy relationship helps individuals grow and develop professionally as well as accomplish goals; and/or
  • People in healthy relationship are able to voice differences of opinion, see different perspectives, find a win-win position and motivate eachother toward action and success.

Most of us recognise that positive relationships make us feel good, confident, optimistic and often inspire and motivate us to move toward what we want most in our work and life. Revealingly, almost all challenges in this area stem from beliefs that are not helpful for people. The main goal for coaching is therefore to first help clients create a belief system that works well for them, then clear out the past experiences and paradigms that don’t work, before taking steps to re-write their relationship script so that they’re attract relationships that fit their value system.

Now you know a little more what you want in a healthy relationship, next time we’ll be talking about how we avoid making the same old relationship mistakes and 5 ways for managing the unhealthy relationships in our lives.

Until next time I invite you to check out our new website or our Facebook page to learn more about ways you can cultivate your self-awareness, communication and increase your level of consciousness. Stay tuned for my New Year’s article on Fast-Tracking Resolutions to Results and your next installment on Re-Writing Your Relationship Script – Part II.

About the author

Anna Margolis is our Mastering your Mind blogger. She is a revitalised former city lawyer turned freer of minds. Find out more: iPEC London, Facebook, Pinterest

Upcoming Events

Job Board Banner

Related Posts