Sometimes at New Year’s we reflect on where we are in our lives, and the decisions we made which brought us to this point. But, before we focus on what we would like to change, it’s good to think about the positives in our lives first, then think about what we would like to be different. What’s worked and been successful? What didn’t really work, and what lessons can we learn from those past experiences as we go forward into the New Year?
The other important thing to think about when you want to make changes in your life, is what exactly do you want to be different? If you are here on my website reading this article, I could assume you would like to change your love life? First of all, write down how you would ideally but realistically like your love life to be. Be really specific, ie. what character traits, habits, lifestyle and emotional maturity are you looking for in a partner? Would you like a new partner to have a healthy lifestyle? Be a non-smoker? Write down everything you are looking for in a partner, what you will accept, what you will compromise on, and what you are not prepared to accept. For example, are you looking for someone who is always on time, how much does drinking too much put you off someone?
Trying to make a relationship work, even in the early stages, with someone who is not right for you, can be very draining for both parties…
When you meet a new date, remember to match them to your list. Do they meet the majority of your requirements, and if not, flag it up, and be wary of those traits which you do not feel you could accept in a long term relationship, and unless they have a very good reason for the way they are – which you can accept – move on. Dating is about finding people who are right for you, who share the same fundamental values and approach to life. Trying to make a relationship work, even in the early stages, with someone who is not right for you, can be very draining for both parties, and you will not only be wasting your time but theirs.
I did an exercise with one of my clients last year. Caroline was very clear and specific about what she wanted in a relationship, including someone who was close to her in age. On New Year’s Eve she was in a local bar with friends, and although her friends were chatting to younger men, she stuck to her strategy of meeting people nearer her own age. She met a great guy and they started talking, shared a New Year’s kiss. He took her out for coffee the next day, drinks later that week, and then dinner. It’s now been eleven months and they’re still going strong – being persistent in her strategy and staying true to what she was looking for, despite distractions from her friends, paid off, and Caroline met the right man for her.