Fancy using the secret office party pressie to give a kind(ish) hint? Leave it to Uevolve careers coach Lucinda Harlow…
Got The Office Gossip?
No matter what time of day you arrive at the coffee machine, Gossip is deep in hushed conversation that stops abruptly the second you appear. They might not be dishing the dirt on you but they are definitely dishing on someone. They are the reason everyone knew you were engaged about an hour before you made the announcement. They know, frankly, too much.
Perfect Secret Santa gift: Wonka Everlasting Gobstoppers (£1.36 a pack, amazon.co.uk)
Got Mr or Ms Angry?
Oh dear, you’ve landed the hot potato. It’s bad enough having to walk on eggshells every time a project throws you together, now you face rolled eyes and barely-suppressed irritation when Angry opens your gift. This is the person who types with two index fingers bashing away like insane Whack-A-Mole hammers. A hair-trigger temper can lead to a flung stapler at any minute and the wise choice is to never lock eyes unless you have to.
Perfect Secret Santa gift: Cranky Pants iPhone 5 case (£32.20, zazzle.co.uk)
Got The Invisible Workmate?
They have worked two desks away for, well, you can’t remember you still aren’t 100% sure of the surname. They are conscientious and always do as they promise but for some reason that never earns kudos. Maybe because they trust – pointlessly – in people just noticing how good they are. They have a really, reeeally tidy desk.
Perfect Secret Santa gift: ‘How’s That Underling Thing Working Out for You?’ Dilbert by Scott Adams (amazon.co.uk, £9.99)
Got The Office Try-Hard?
Think eager puppy in a Savile Row suit. They leap from nowhere to open doors for anyone even one inch senior to themselves and do more coffee runs than the desperate workie. They nod without blinking until you feel a bit disconcerted and have to invent a meeting to go to. In their favour, they can talk up a crap idea with such fervour that for at least a millisecond it seems almost feasible. You know their home is awash with fridge magnets and Post-it affirmations screaming stuff such as: “Fake it ’til you feel it!” and “I trust my appraisal to the Universe!”
Perfect Secret Santa gift: National Lottery Christmas Millionaire scratch card (corner shop, £5)
Got The Office Politician?
Do they practice their smarmy ways in front of the mirror? You’ll never know. But one thing is for sure, they’ve got it going on when it comes to being exactly what the boss wants them to be… and that can change every five minutes. N.o.b.o.d.y. trusts them an inch. They get the best clients, roles, junkets, you name it but at ANY cost. They wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire, as your granny used to say.
Perfect Secret Santa gift: Selfish Pigs Grid Calendar 2013 (£7.49, lovereading.co.uk)
…and if you recognise yourself in any of those, don’t panic. Treat yourself to a pressie – executive career coaching with Lucinda. Go to www.uevolve.co.uk to find out more.
With a strong corporate background, Lucinda has worked at a senior level with a series of investment houses and blue chip companies in the City and West End. Having built a strong coaching practice Lucinda is in demand for one-to-one coaching and professional presentations and as an expert voice in media interviews.
0208 408 1008