You can just imagine my surprise when a good friend of mine, who I thought knows me very well, told me that I am too guarded after a few bottles wine! He proceeded in his blunt revelation that he thought that I was too damn hard to read!
I of course was very very shocked to the core as I’ve always thought within myself that I make my intentions very clear to guys that I like! But then, as it turns out, I am not doing enough. My very dear friend explained that I am very crystal clear as a business person, but on the personal front, my underlying vibe is all mixed up with very confusing signals! It turns out that guys don’t really get to know whether I’m romantically interested in them or I just want to be friends. (thankfully he doesn’t have a problem in establishing which side he’s one as he’s a happily married guy). Now that hit me very hard because I thought I couldn’t be any more crystal clear than I already am on the dating scene. Apparently I could do more!!
The harsh reality though is that in trying to be careful about my choices that I make when it comes to men and dating, I think I have managed to appear too shielded, guarded and by so doing, I come across as someone who plays too hard to get!!
In my bemoaning state, I tried to seek solace in further evidence that will support my current thoughts on wise and careful dating and came across a recent research by Dia, Dong and Jia (May 2013) which was published for the Journal of Experimental Psychology. As it turns out, playing hard to get have its pros and cons.
By default, playing hard to get to guys who may be interested but are yet to voice their intentions gives off a sense of uncertainty and dare I say, a sense of mild hostility Now that’s very scary for many guys purely because they think that they will be rejected if they dare to ask for a date! Frankly who likes to hear a big resounding NO?!
But then and again, men also like to do some chasing and as the evidence shows, they like their women to play hard to get. The trick though is that he needs to be allowed to show that initial interest, be able to feel confident enough to approach and ask for a date first off before the lady starts playing hard to get! And we’ve always thought women are the confused ones! Ha!!
So I guess, all in all, this is all but a balancing act!! As it turns out, we single chicas have to be inviting and yet mysterious, approachable and yet have a sense of purpose around us, play hard to get but not because we like to play games, but because it’s part of the whole dance!
After all , it’s all down to the vibe!!
Tagged: dating, relationship, single girls, stanford, The Girl of My Best Friend, vibes, wisegirl.com