The Single Lady and Her Vibes

You can just imagine my surprise when a good friend of mine, who I thought knows me very well, told me that I am too guarded after a few bottles wine! He proceeded in his blunt revelation that he thought that I was too damn hard to read!

I of course was very very shocked to the core as I’ve always thought within myself that I make my intentions very clear to guys that I like!  But then, as it turns out, I am not doing enough.  My very dear friend explained that I am very crystal clear as a business person, but on the personal front, my underlying vibe is all mixed up with very confusing signals! It turns out that guys don’t really get to know whether I’m romantically  interested in them or I just want to be friends.  (thankfully he doesn’t have a problem in establishing which side he’s one as he’s a happily married guy). Now that hit me very hard because I thought I couldn’t be any more crystal clear than I already am on the dating scene. Apparently I could do more!!

The harsh reality though is that in trying to be careful about my choices that I make when it comes to men and dating, I think I have managed to  appear too shielded, guarded and by so doing, I come across as someone who plays too hard to get!!

In my bemoaning state, I tried to seek solace in further evidence that will support my current thoughts on wise and careful dating  and came across a recent research  by Dia, Dong and Jia (May 2013) which was published for the Journal of Experimental Psychology. As it turns out, playing hard to get have its pros and cons.

By default, playing hard to get to guys who may be interested but are yet to voice their intentions gives off a sense of uncertainty and dare I say, a sense of mild hostility :( Now that’s very scary for many guys purely because they think that they will be rejected if they dare to ask for a date!  Frankly who likes to hear a big resounding NO?!

But then and again, men also like to do some chasing and as the evidence shows, they like their women to play hard to get. The trick though is that he needs to be allowed to show that initial interest, be able to feel confident enough to  approach and ask for a date first off before the lady starts playing hard to get!  And we’ve always thought women are the confused ones! Ha!!

So I guess, all in all, this is all but a balancing act!! As it turns out, we single chicas have to  be inviting and yet mysterious, approachable and yet have a sense of purpose around us, play hard to get but not because we like to play games, but because it’s part of the whole dance!

After all , it’s all down to the vibe!!

Tagged: dating, relationship, single girls, stanford, The Girl of My Best Friend, vibes,

About the author was created to test out a new phenomenon!! We hear of countless stories where women (and many women around the world) go on a date, maybe once or twice…. get to know the guy and then as soon as she makes up her mind that this is the guy that she would like to have in her life… the guy suddenly turns cold towards her!!! Sounds familiar? What happened? How did this nice guy who was pursuing you countlessly suddenly turned cold the moment you started to show an interest in him? Why did he change his attitude? Why did he stopped calling, stopped texting, cancelled the date (with an excuse— I’m sick! and never called back)

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