No Valentine? How to be in love by this time next year

“You’re so attractive and fun. You’re such a great catch. I can’t believe you’re still single.”
Charlotte York | Sex & The City

I wonder how many times friends or strangers have said those words to you. I wonder how many times you’ve said them to yourself. You’ve ticked all the other boxes in life. You have a great job, plenty of friends and somewhere nice to live. You have a broad social life, a number of hobbies and you keep yourself healthy and fit.

But you just don’t seem to be able to make a relationship work and you rarely meet eligible men.

I’ve been dating since I was fifteen! I’m exhausted! Where is he?” said Charlotte on the American TV show Sex and the City.

That famous line rings too many bells for you. You feel her pain. Every guy you date turns out to be unavailable or scared of commitment. As soon as you get close or suggest something more serious, he runs a mile in the opposite direction. Either that or you decide there’s something wrong with him. He’s just not your type. He’s not ambitious enough. You can’t imagine him hanging out with your friends. He tells the same terrible jokes, over and over again. Then there are all the ‘nice’ guys who are clearly ready for a relationship and are interested in you. But you just can’t bring yourself to fancy them. You so wish you could. Sometimes you even try but you always have to end it after a couple of weeks, often resorting to the classic breakup line:

“It’s not you. It’s me.”

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. This was my story for many years, until I finally found love in my early forties. And it’s the story of so many of my friends in their thirties and forties and of the coaching clients who come to me. The good news is there’s a way to end your singleness if that’s what you want to do – and you may only have to take 10 steps.

Frustrated by hearing stories of women who have fallen for a married man, dismissed a string of decent guys or who are still hanging out with their ex, I have devised a plan to help you work through the reasons you’re single and to learn to fall in love.

I have written a dating and relationships guide for grown-ups, just in time for Valentine’s Day. So instead of settling down in front of a box set with a glass of prosecco and a box of chocolates for one, you can start to explore the reasons why you haven’t found love yet and to take steps to change your circumstances.

How to Fall in Love – A 10-Step Journey to the Heart is for professional women who are tired of superficial advice and want to go a bit deeper. I don’t offer a magic bullet or give you the answers. Instead, I help you see that you have the answers inside yourself.

I believe that by connecting to our intuition, increasing our self-esteem, identifying and changing our unhealthy patterns, breaking ties with lost loves, understanding what triggers us in relationships, reassessing the type of men we go for, making time for love, setting healthy boundaries for dating and making bold choices, we can all fall in love and form a long-lasting relationship.

We just need to be open to going on a journey of transformation.

If that sounds like a big word or a tall order, you only need to read my story to believe it can happen. I went from being a binge-eating, status-seeking, London-living singleton to a woman in love, who lives by the sea in Dorset, walks on the beach and has finally accomplished her dream of publishing a book.

A miracle has happened here. I believe a miracle can happen for you too.

About the author

Katherine Baldwin is our Maybe No Baby Blogger. She is a writer, storyteller, coach and speaker. As a coach, Katherine specialises in helping professional women navigate the world of dating and relationships and fall in love. She also helps men and women follow their passion and transition into more wholehearted, fulfilling lives. Katherine is writing a book about her journey from 40 to 45, a period during which she came to terms with being 40, single and childless, overcame her fear of commitment and her perfectionism and learned to fall in love. You can find out more about her work at, read her blog at and follow her on Twitter @From40WithLove

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