If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviours and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve – Tony Robbins
Last time we talked about how our values are sewn into the very fabric of who we are and, when observed and honoured, guide us in our lives to what we truly want.
You may have even taken time to identify your values in preparation for an exercise that we’ll complete. Before we do that particular exercise, I invite you to consider how much you’re living true to those values you identified in your life right now? For example, if you value freedom, are you currently employed or self-employed? If employed then what’s stopping you doing your own thing? If you realise that’s because you also value security, then ask yourself, which value do you prize most highly?
Personally, I’ve found that life’s up and downs provide windows of opportunity to determine and refine our values. All the obstacles we experience are just stepping stones to help us get clear which values will form the foundations upon which to build the lives we want.
Sounds nice, doesn’t it? But if you’ve ever left the security of a regular paying job to follow your dream, or ended a relationship because it’s not working for you, you’ll know that honouring values isn’t always that easy.
Last time I shared that I had recently ended a romantic relationship. In the early days I expressed that the relationship had seemed to meet much of what I was looking for, but over a period of weeks I became aware of feeling like I was minimising myself and discovered that the relationship wasn’t honouring my values.
All the obstacles we experience are just stepping stones to help us get clear which values will form the foundations upon which to build the lives we want.
I had ended things lovingly, communicating that he was great and that I have a huge amount of respect for him; it was that we simply weren’t a match. I knew in my heart that it was the right thing to do, but when I ended it, it was still hard. I felt sadness, disappointment, loneliness and fear. I missed the companionship, the intimacy and his family. More than anything I felt a longing, a craving, to reconnect.
And then he went and reacted aggressively. The following days were filled with a barrage of insults, threats and persistent messaging. It was, thankfully, exactly what I needed to KNOW that I’d made the right decision. I literally turned my eyes to the sky and expressed to the Universe “Thank you for making this process easier for me.”
Now here’s the weird part. In the weeks that followed I noticed that when my phone would beep, I would feel a mini rush of adrenaline. It was a combination of:
- fear that he might be looking to engage again and what kind of eggshells I might need to navigate around to avoid sparking further conflict; and
- the legacy excitement and thrill of being contacted by a man I’d had a strong sexual connection with and the feeling of significance of receiving attention.
Uh, confusing much? I found it fascinating that I could feel such intensely polarised feelings and emotions, especially when in my mind, I already knew that this relationship didn’t support me. And that’s coming from someone who is actively living and cultivating this consciousness stuff every day!!
Values help you to know when something is off centre, accelerate the cycle of learning and, as Tony Robbins says, to not allow yourself to slip into a life below what you deserve.
But then, no one said it was easy
You probably won’t be surprised to hear that since then I’ve received a multitude of apologies, expressions of love and promises upon promises from this man. But the adrenalin and excitement have since ebbed away and I no longer feel drawn or compelled to engage. It’s taken just two weeks to disentangle myself practically and emotionally from him and I’ve emerged from the relationship feeling clearer and more defined in WHO I AM. I’m grateful that from the experience I’ve gained in self-confidence about what I want and feel more powerful, laser focussed and re-energised towards my goals.
This is just ONE of the many benefits of having and living true to a clearly defined set of values. Values help you to know when something is off centre, accelerate the cycle of learning and, as Tony Robbins says, to not allow yourself to slip into a life below what you deserve.
So hold onto your list of values for next time where we’ll use them to help you learn how to live and stay closer to your true essence.
In the meantime, if you’re interested to learn more about how you can learn more conscious education, or develop a career in self-mastery and personal development, join our free A-Z Roadmap to Becoming a Coach webinar at http://www.ipeccoaching.com//events-and-seminars.aspx or check out our Facebook page and Twitter (@Anna_Margolis).