By Katia Vlachos
Divorce profoundly affects our personal lives, but its impact can also extend into our professional worlds.
For many working women, managing the emotional and logistical challenges of ending a marriage without disrupting their careers can feel daunting. Through my own experience and my work with clients going through a divorce, I’ve identified five common worries that employees often face during this difficult transition.
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Concerns About Performance
Many women worry that the practical and emotional turmoil of divorce will affect the quality and productivity of their work. They fear they’ll have difficulty meeting deadlines or make mistakes. Whether feeling overwhelmed, unable to concentrate, or distracted by all the time they need to invest in handling the practical requirements of divorce proceedings, they’re concerned that performance deficits will damage their careers.
One of my former clients, Sarah*, shared that she sometimes worried about breaking down during a presentation or in the middle of a meeting when suddenly thoughts and fears around her failed marriage would intrude.
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Balancing New Responsibilities
For many women, divorce means taking on substantial new responsibilities at home. They suddenly have to manage childcare, do more routine household tasks, and still do their job, all without the support of a partner. Also, many struggle to juggle a new schedule after separation, especially if they have children. The shift in parenting responsibilities can significantly impact their work life.
One of my clients, Claire*, a software engineer and mother of two, shared with me: “When my kids are with me, I am solely responsible for everything – from school runs to bedtime routines. But when they’re with their father, I suddenly have much more free time. Balancing these extremes while meeting work expectations can be challenging. I had to have honest conversations with my manager about my availability and working hours.”
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Financial Stress and Job Security
Divorce often brings significant financial changes and uncertainties, which can create anxiety about job security and career stability. Many employees worry about maintaining their current income to cover new expenses like separate housing and legal fees, or even needing a higher-paying position to support a changed lifestyle. There may be concerns about potential career sacrifices if child custody arrangements require job changes or a generalised fear of job loss during this vulnerable time. Thoughts about future earning potential can add to this stress, especially if alimony or child support are factors.
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Worries Around Maintaining Boundaries
Many divorcing women struggle to separate their personal difficulties from their work lives, concerned about damaging their relationships with colleagues. A related concern is deciding how much to share about their divorce at work and how to ask for support when needed. For example, they might not know how to tell their manager or team that they need some flexibility due to their divorce proceedings and fear they’ll be seen as unprofessional or using their personal life as an excuse.
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Fear of Judgment
Many employees worry that divorce will change how they’re perceived at work: colleagues might view them as unstable, unreliable, or ‘too emotional.’ This concern often leads individuals to overcompensate, convincing themselves they must work twice as hard to prove their personal life doesn’t affect their professional capabilities. They fear that a shift in how they’re seen could jeopardise their professional standing or future opportunities (unfortunately, despite progress, societal stigmas may still linger around divorce). As a result, some begin to second-guess every decision they make, wondering if they’ll be scrutinised more harshly because of their changed marital status.
How Colleagues and Employers Can Help
If you’re a colleague or employer of someone going through a divorce, here are some ways you can offer support:
Respect privacy and maintain professionalism: While it’s important to be supportive, avoid prying into personal details. Allow your colleagues to share what they’re comfortable with. Treat your coworker with the same respect as always. A person’s marital status has no bearing on their professional capabilities.
Offer flexibility: Where possible, offer to adjust deadlines, allow for remote work options, or provide additional resources to support their workload. Check in regularly to see whether they need any extra support.
Be understanding of new responsibilities and changing schedules: Recognise that your colleagues may need to adjust their working hours to accommodate new responsibilities, especially if they have children. Consider implementing flexible working hours or offering job-sharing opportunities if possible. Encourage a workplace culture that values work-life balance for all employees.
Provide resources: If your company offers financial planning resources, counselling services, or other resources, make sure your employees are aware of these benefits. Consider connecting them with HR to discuss any potential changes to their insurance coverage or other benefits.
Encourage professional growth: Reinforce your employees’ value as professionals separate from their personal life, by recognising and celebrating their achievements. Offer professional development opportunities that allow them to grow and redefine themselves in their career. The woman going through a divorce today may emerge as your most driven, innovative employee tomorrow. She’s not just ending a marriage; she’s going through a personal transformation.
The Path to Transformation
While challenging, divorce can be a catalyst for growth and self-discovery. It’s an opportunity to reassess our priorities, rediscover our ambitions, and emerge stronger both personally and professionally.
If you’re navigating this difficult journey, know you’re not alone. Many women have walked this path before and have not only survived but thrived. Seek support when you need it, be kind to yourself, and remember that this period of upheaval is temporary.
If you’re a colleague or employer of someone going through a divorce, your understanding and empathy can make a significant difference. By fostering an environment of support, flexibility, and encouragement, you’re not just helping an employee through a tough time – you’re potentially facilitating a powerful personal and professional transformation.
In the end, divorce, like any major life transition, is an opportunity for reinvention. It’s a chance to redefine who we are and what we want from our careers and lives. This journey of self-discovery and empowerment can enrich not just one’s personal life but also one’s professional one.
About the author
Katia Vlachos is a reinvention coach, speaker, meditation teacher and bestselling author of Uncaged: A Good Girl’s Journey to Reinvention (Amplify Publishing, out now). With a master’s from the Harvard Kennedy School and a PhD from the RAND Graduate School, Katia began her career as a policy analyst before pivoting into coaching, specialising in helping women to reinvent their lives and pursue their aspirations without being weighed down by guilt or overwhelm.*Names have been changed
