I co-founded amicable, which is now the UK’s most trusted divorce service, with my friend Pip Wilson after my own train-wreck divorce.Neither of us are lawyers, Pip is a tech entrepreneur, and my background is in psychology. I worked in change management for a big 4 consultancy firm, I volunteered as a counsellor in Prisons and then went into private practice counselling people ending their relationships. I realised going through the trauma of my own divorce that the ‘system’ was broken. The system was making things worse for people not better. The financial and emotional consequences of a bad break-up have ramifications for decades after you split, and bad break-ups really impact your kids too. Divorce doesn’t have to be nasty; it’s a sad event, not a bad event. amicable is all about working with couples, not creating two waring sides as in the solicitor model: it’s about humanising a very difficult and painful life-change and enabling people to put their children first. Our mission is to change the way people end their relationships in a kinder, better way. Its more relevant than ever as we live longer and are more likely to have several important relationships with children or financial commitments to sort out post break-up.
Does anyone do that (unless they are a 14-year-old being forced to by the UK education system)? I think we labour under the illusion of control… if the pandemic has taught us anything its that we are not in control and that the best life skill you can learn is to be adaptable and spot opportunities. I’ve been fortunate to spot opportunities that have given me all sorts of experiences that often seem unrelated, but it’s the bouncing together of the seemingly unrelated that leads to creative ideas… that and surrounding yourself with great people.
Yes, many. Perhaps the scariest was having to go to the High Court to prove that what we were doing with amicable was legal. Solicitors are not allowed to work with couples because of conflict-of-interest rules but we are not solicitors so working with couples is central to what we do. Standing in front of the judge, two weeks before Christmas, facing down the Queen’s Proctor, and being told that if we were wrong, we could face two years in prison was a heart in mouth moment. But when you feel passionately about an idea that you know is in the public interest you have to defend it, even when that means going up against the justice system and the establishment.
Surviving domestic abuse and co-founding amicable. Abuse leaves an indelible mark – I refuse to let it define me, but there’s no question it’s changed me. amicable has shown me you can come back from anything and that just like the cliché, sometimes it makes you stronger. I hope in another few years I will add raising two amazing children to my biggest achievements… but right now, they are teenagers so the jury’s out!
There are two things and I’ve needed both to be successful… passion for my cause and surrounding myself with really good people. amicable exists because I was passionate about the original idea, it’s got me out of bed every morning and drives me on even when things are hard. But I knew to make the social changes I wanted to, I would need to create a powerful, recognisable brand and operate at scale to make a difference. And I knew that I couldn’t do that on my own. My relationship with Pip has been the cornerstone of our success. We’ve worked hard at our business relationship because we are friends first and we don’t want to lose that or let that interfere with running the company. All good relationships require time and effort to nurture them.
Honestly – when it comes to women and business, I’m fed up with the notion that women need mentors – we need funding not mentoring. Only 2 per cent of funding goes to female founded companies at present – that is not because of a lack of mentoring. We need to address the systemic bias when it comes to funding women-led businesses and recognise that diversity means not trying to get women to sound like men when they pitch! Personally, I tend to coach rather than mentor because that’s my training and background. I like the structure of coaching and the self-determined support it provides. Because of the nature of the work we do, a big part of my role is to support our Divorce Coaches who work with separating and divorcing couples. I think you use a lot of yourself in this type of work so it’s important to have good support… someone to turn to talk about the way a particular case or customer makes you feel. We live in a world where our ‘we’ are the means of production so it’s important that we nurture and invest in ourselves
Stop thinking of gender parity as a female led issue. I think normalising flexible working by facilitating more men to work part time, flexible hours, take time off when their kids are young, disrupt and pause their careers. Let’s see men taking career breaks and asking for term time contracts Or, if that doesn’t work then tattoo on the forehead of every child – “earning a larger salary than my partner when I grow up does not exempt me from housework or being the school’s first port of call if my child is sick”
It’s irrelevant – she won’t listen.
My focus right now is to make amicable accessible to everyone and to change the narrative around divorce and break-ups. I use my podcast to try to influence how people think about and talk about separation and to create a positive space for guests and listeners to explore how best to navigate the end of a relationship. Ultimately, I’d like to preside over systemic change that sees divorce and separation removed from the justice system and a new space created for families and relationships headed up by a minister for families…. Haven’t quite worked out how I’m going to do that… magic wand anyone?
