By Clare Norman, author of ‘Cultivating Coachability’
Coaching is many things, but it is not therapy.
Both coaching and therapy can be incredibly valuable, with each offering support to help individuals improve their lives. But they are not the same: coaching is often action-oriented, helping clients identify where they want to go and how to get there; therapy may deal with conditions like anxiety, depression, trauma, or other mental health diagnoses. It is a mistake to opt for coaching because of any embarrassment you may feel about working with a therapist. If you need to address emotional or psychological issues, therapy will be a better fit for you, and you should not let any prejudices or perceived stigma deter you from seeking out this type of help – although it may be appropriate to pursue this alongside coaching.
An important aspect of coaching that it is important to be aware of is who will be doing the heavy lifting – it will be you. Your coach will be looking for you to do the hard work of thinking. There is a simple reason for this: solutions are not one-size-fits-all. What works for one person is not guaranteed to produce the same (or even similar) results for someone else. Even if they work in the same sector.
The need to understand yourself, to know what makes you tick, to recognise what your needs are and to appreciate what you want from life and work is a vital part of the process. Of course, there will be guidance on how to work out all of this, but it is not something that another person can do for you. You are much more likely to follow through with a way forward when you have discovered that path yourself.
No fairy dust
When you sign up for coaching you need to manage expectations. Your coach will not Jedi mind trick things better moments after you describe your problems – that opening up is very much just the start. The process involves you stepping up to take on a number of responsibilities – not only for the thinking, sensing, and feeling required to bring you to a new awareness, but also for the outcomes. You will be expected to dig deep—not therapeutically deep (remember that requires a different skillset) but deep none-the-less—and involves you determining what is working and what is not, recognising how you feel about that, assessing what you value, examining your beliefs (limiting or otherwise), and much more. If you want to get the most out of your coaching, be prepared to be vulnerable.
The value in coaching is created by you, not your coach. Your coach is there to support and challenge, to be a catalyst, but in the end, you will be making self-determined changes. A coach will never force you to do anything you do not want to do, but you must set out with a commitment to make something different, otherwise your money and your time will have been poorly invested. It makes all the difference when someone learns long-term sustainable growth through the hard work involved in thinking for themselves.
Finding your hidden wisdom
The first steps toward your goal is thinking, feeling and sensing. Do not consider this to be an intellectual exercise; it is about accessing all of your multiple intelligences – this is where your wisdom is hiding. Your coach will be by your side, helping you to tap into the necessary courage to discover who you want to be to the world. This is a partnership where you take responsibility for the thinking and your coach takes responsibility for creating the space within which you can do your best thinking.
You must be willing and able to move beyond known thinking to new thinking, embracing your role as thinker in the coaching process. You need a determination to find answers that fit your unique needs, personality and context rather than an off-the-peg solution, and that means believing in your capacity to be creative, and resourceful and experiment in coaching and outside of it. The process is not just about solving problems, it is about focusing on yourself and who you wish to be.
It is up to you
Feeling that you should get coaching should not be your primary driver. You need to want to go through the process. It will not work if a boss or a colleague pushes you into it. You will need to set the time aside to give it your full attention both in the coaching sessions and in between times.
About the author
Clare Norman is the author of ‘Cultivating Coachability’ (to be published October 2024) and founder of Clare Norman Coaching Associates. Clare is a Master Certified Coach (MCC) with the International Coaching Federation (ICF), a Master Mentor Coach and a Certified Coach Supervisor. She has a Masters in Training and has received multiple awards for ground-breaking leadership development. For over 25 years, Clare has focused on maximising individual, team, and organisation effectiveness, enabling people to express their needs, in service of a more caring world. Clare’s two previous books are ‘The Transformational Coach (2022)’ and ‘Mentor Coaching: A Practical Guide (2020)’.
References:
Mosconi, L (2019) Brain Food: How to eat smart and sharpen your mind. Penguin Life.
Mosley, M (2023) 4 Weeks to Better Sleep: A life-changing plan for deep sleep, improved brain function and feeling great. Short Books.
Koch, D A (2024) ‘Principles to make learning brain-friendly’. Association of Talent Development. URL: td.org/td-at-work-guide/principles-for-brain-friendly-learning.
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