Have you ever had this ‘feedback’ at work? Personally, this kind of inane advice makes my blood boil. If only I’d thought of that! Wait a moment, I’ll just flick my confidence switch to ‘on’…
You’ll notice these same people rarely have much to say about how to improve your confidence, so what can you do?
I like Lewis Howes’ Confidence Equation:
What does this mean? Essentially, that confidence isn’t a ‘thing’ in its own right; it’s made up of several elements combined. As I looked at ways to develop each one, I learned that I (and indeed my clients) already had much of what was needed. This often happens: we don’t give ourselves credit for how much we are capable of. In other words, you don’t need to be adding NEW skills, but merely leveraging what already exists.
This feels more achievable! So how should you implement it at work?
When we are out of alignment and behaving in ways that don’t fit with our values or authentic selves, our confidence takes a hit; we show up as someone else, as though hiding behind a mask. It’s not uncommon to feel the need to do this at work in order to belong to the team, to handle the politics or to disguise parts of ourselves/lives that we perceive make us look weak in front of co-workers. The workplace can feel like the school playground as we try to fit in and not catch the eye of the bully!
When we don’t behave in line with who we are, it can be unsettling and impact us outside of work as well, hence it is important to our wellbeing to do something about it.
How to implement this at work:
One of the positive impacts of the pandemic was employers’ increased appreciation that their employees are whole people with lives outside of work. From clerk to CEO, everyone was dealing with domestic issues such as forced confinement, illness, home schooling, loneliness, mental health challenges, etc. It was a great leveller in this regard. If your employer is still behaving as though you need to leave your home life at the office entrance, my advice is to start looking for a new employer.
We build capability without noticing. Yes, there are courses, workshops and qualifications we undertake during our professional lives, but it is the skills that just ‘happen’ that we should take time to think about. As an HR professional I’m loathed to call them ‘soft’ skills because 90% are anything but soft! Our interactions with colleagues can be some of the toughest we encounter and require us to draw upon our experience in ways rarely taught on a formal course.
How to implement this at work:
Reminding yourself of your competence is key to growing confidence – look at all areas of your life to see how significant events enhance your ability to deal with challenging situations.
If there was ever a time we truly appreciated the importance of others, it was during the pandemic. The denial of human contact – at home and at work – made us realise that we are, in essence, pack animals. However, there will have been people you didn’t miss, such as that bullying boss or a curmudgeonly colleague.
The connections we form dramatically influence how we feel, both positively and negatively. You might not be able to avoid your line manager or move desks at work, but it’s possible to limit the negative impact of others by changing your mindset.
How to implement this at work:
Remember, it is within your gift to choose how someone influences you – don’t sacrifice your mental health by letting negative people rent free space in your head.
Confidence is not a gift bestowed upon you by others; it is a gift you can give to yourself. Take simple steps and remember you have all the tools already to hand.
De-Twat Your Life is out on ebook and paperback now (June 2022), available online and in all good bookshops, as well as at www.carolynhobdey.com
Carolyn Hobdey is The Midlife Mistress: every woman’s best friend at a time when she wants to take back control of her life. She believes that a woman’s pleasures should not be ‘guilty’.
She is author of ‘All The Twats I Met Along The Way’ and its recently-released sequel, ‘De-Twat Your Life!’ as well as the self-help book, ‘Redefining SELFISH. No Guilt. No Regrets’. She is one of the international co-authors of ‘The Everyday Girls Guide to Living in Truth, Self-Love, and Acceptance’, which became an Amazon Bestseller in numerous countries. Carolyn has weekly radio slots on WCRfm for ‘Menopause Monday’ and ‘Humpday with Hobdey’.
