I believe that we are all born with into this world with incredible potential, and that we can all live our life to the fullest if we really want to.
But the fact that so many people don’t is usually down to one of the biggest barriers to success a person can face: self-sabotage.
Self-sabotaging behaviour can present itself in a number of different ways, due to any number of different reasons. But one thing that appears to be pretty consistent about it is where – or should I say when – it starts.
Childhood is a seminal time in all our lives. Our early years shape who we are and who we aspire to be. But all too often our development during this time gets distorted as we become preoccupied with trying to fit in and learning to conform, at the expense of what we want and need. But this ultimately leads to us living only half a life, and usually with a deflated sense of self-worth.
This is why, for women in particular, self-sabotage later in life often comes down to issues of anxiety, stress, self-doubt and fear of judgement. These are not the easiest things to tackle. But I know from my own personal experience of overcoming my inner saboteur, as well as my experience as a coach helping others to do the same, that it is very much doable.
First, you need to recognise your self-sabotaging behaviours and figure out how they are holding you back. To do this though, you need to be completely honest with yourself and allow yourself to dig deep. Sometimes you might find things you don’t like or wish you didn’t know, but this is a necessary part of the process. It’s only by finding and acknowledging those unwanted parts of yourself that you can start to change them.
After honesty and introspection comes courage. We have to really want to change in order to stop standing in our own way, and it takes an awful lot of self-assurance to say exactly what we want and to go out and get it. That’s why, no matter what you do, you have to stick to your guns. Keep your aspirations in mind and allow yourself to aim for exactly what you want, no matter how outlandish or ridiculous your inner saboteur tries to tell you it is.
The final step is action, although this isn’t a step you ever really finish taking. Acting on your goals for the future and your personal development is a process, and the moment you stop is often the moment you let your self-sabotaging behaviours win. So once you’ve figured out exactly the sorts of changes you need to make, knuckle down and make them.
Allow this sort of development to be ongoing, by regularly checking in with yourself and evaluating your progress. Preventing self-sabotage really means allowing yourself to flourish to the best of your ability, and there are always new opportunities for you to do that.
About the author
Su Orosa is a mental health and wellness coach who helps stressed professional women to rediscover peace, joy and purpose in life. She offers a package of self-development programs to help women understand their anxiety and stress as well as learning tools and techniques to manage their inner critic. She also runs one-day wellbeing retreats and a signature workshop on Finding Meaning and Purpose – looking at the Inner Critic. Her mission is to help as many women as possible to start living the life they were always meant to live.
