Learning how to speak your mind

How come we find it so hard to say what we want to say?

When we were born we were free to say and do what we really wanted.

Our families and our society started telling us what we should and not say and do; what was expected from us, what the respected thing was, what was approved by others.

They wanted us to behave in a certain way so we could be loved and accepted.

So, we did it.

Because we really wanted to belong. 

We wanted to be liked, to be accepted, to be loved.

We did all this so our mums and dads and grandparents were happy, our teachers were pleased,  because they had told us that any other behaviour could make them sad and unhappy and we could be regarded as naughty and difficult.

And of course we didn’t want this; we wanted to be liked, accepted, loved.

You reach a point in your life though in your 40s, 50s that you are doing everything for others and nothing for you.

What helped me feel at ease and speak my truth and connect to my heart was to know that WE CAN NEVER MAKE SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY OR SAD. We don’t have any control over other people’s feelings.

I can not make you happy, I can not make you sad; all your feelings come from your experience in life and your biography; all your feelings come from you to you, they want to tell you something about yourself.

So, having this in mind, I started opening my heart to say my truth to me first and then to others.

I wasn’t afraid to connect to me any more and suddenly this became the most important thing in my life.

Because if I wasn’t here on this Earth to please others, I could try to please myself.

Knowing that I have nothing to do with other people’s feelings I started concentrating on my feelings and my truth and I started saying what I really wanted to say which was my truth, the one that made sense for me.

I stopped worrying about others because I knew their thoughts, feelings and actions had nothing to do with me.

This lets me be free and allows me to be myself. 1000% myself.

And suddenly I started to sleep at night, I started taking care of myself, I started being at ease and I started to connect to my wants and deep desires without worrying any more.

My role had changed; I was here to please me and not others and the roles I had been carrying for years; these of the incredible and good daughter, the obedient friend and partner, the say YES woman so she could belong.

If you don’t have the burden of the world’s happiness on your shoulders, you can share your truth without worrying what others will say, think and feel.

They can say whatever they want, you are true to you.

So, now what helps me every single day is to do some checks:

1. How do I feel? All feelings are welcome and accepted; there are no bad or good feelings so everyday I regularly ask myself what I feel and I am honest.
2. What do you need from me today? I ask myself what I really need. This helps me find my priorities and know what I really want to do to take care of myself.
3. Ask for help. If I need to rest more, I will ask my partner to help me. If I need help in my business, I will ask my team mates for support. I am not afraid to ask for help any more and this has been one of my biggest achievements in the last decade.

So in order to be able to speak your mind, start connecting to you, start sharing your truth and ask for help to satisfy yourself.

Remember, you can never affect other people’s thoughts, feelings and actions.

You can only affect yourself and everything that comes to you is your truth, you need to hear it and pay attention to it. If you don’t, who will?

About the author

Lia Zorzou, PhD, is a leadership and emotional intelligence consultant, and is the founder of the ‘Leadership Programme’, the first experiential emotional intelligence online leadership programme in the world.  She helps entrepreneurs to find their true selves and set the goals they need to follow their dreams, as well as identifying the steps needed to make them a reality.