Inspire Inclusion – the theme of International Women’s Day this year. A theme close to my heart. I could go on forever if I tried to list all the areas where women are only barely included but there is one group I feel particularly strongly about.
I am not talking about elderly women or women of a certain age or women past the first flush of youth or any of the adjectives that describe women of my age. I am talking about old women. I don’t like euphemisms. I am delighted to be able to say that I am old as it is infinitely better than dying young.
When I reached my seventies, I felt as if I had suddenly entered a different world. It practically happened overnight. I went to bed a relatively youthful middle-aged woman and I woke up old. I now belonged to the world of old women. I could still function in the world of young people but I felt more like a guest. For one thing, I was practically invisible, to the point where men would even bump into me on the street. It made me want to do outlandish things like do a cartwheel or strip off or yell at them. I don’t do any of those things of course but there’s nothing to stop me drawing them!
I also wanted to celebrate the abundance of joy that comes with being old, the friendships, for some of us the grand mothering and perhaps most of all the new ‘take it or leave it’ attitude – who cares what anybody thinks?
At best old women are depicted either as super glamorous and ‘amazing for their age’ or smiling grannies with endless time and goodwill. I couldn’t find any description of what our old age is truly like.
My women friends were not keen to talk to me about their own experience of old age. They might whisper a few secrets here and there but mainly it was a case of put up or shut up. I wanted to break that conspiracy of silence and show the reality of my new world in all its gritty detail. So, I started to draw all the funny or sad things that were happening in my day-to-day life. The ideas just kept pouring in until I had over a hundred drawings and I decided to turn them into an illustrated story of a woman’s old age.
Beyond Beige is about the joys and horrors of our old age, the humour and the despair. It shows the uncensored reality of my life and those of women who confided in me. It breaks the unspoken taboo surrounding women’s physical and emotional experiences. I was brought up in France where it’s OK for women to be old but they must be beautiful and elegant and witty at all times. I am none of those things but I have a voice and I use it.
I wanted to show exactly what it is like to be tired and depressed and to deal with illness and incontinence. But I also wanted to celebrate the abundance of joy that comes with being old, the friendships, for some of us the grand mothering and perhaps most of all the new ‘take it or leave it’ attitude – who cares what anybody thinks? I could not have written this book ten years ago; I would have been too worried about what people might say. Now I just do what I want.
When I started to write and draw, I only set out to amuse and shock a bit but I soon discovered that the women who read my book started telling me their own stories. I found out new things about my oldest friends that they had never mentioned before.
I hope that women reading Beyond Beige will say ‘Oh that’s exactly me!’ or ‘Thank goodness this hasn’t happened to me!’ I hope that women will smile and chuckle and feel sad and open up to their friends and families about their experiences and their fears. Women’s old age needs to be discussed and shared and not kept hidden in a dark corner. I would like my readers to reflect on their own lives and maybe view events in a different light. I would like them to show my book to their family and friends and to discuss it with them. If Beyond Beige gets people talking and helps them feel more included, then I am happy.
About the author
Sylvie Boulay is a member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy and has extensive experience working with clients with addiction problems. Her work has appeared in several journals. Born in Paris, she now lives in London.
